meganhannay.com

If you are currently with child, or plan to be with child, or have caused someone else to be with child, or if there is even a smidgen of a chance that you will have an opportunity to name a brand new female human being, please, I beg of you, don’t name her “Megan.”

You may think it’s a nice new twist on the old, Irish “Margaret.” Maybe you like the letter “M,” or the fact that is has a solid “G” in the middle, for some extra force. Those things don’t matter. Speaking as a Megan who has met more than her fair share of girls with the same name…it’s just not worth it.

There are about 12,987 reasons you should not name your daughter “Megan.” Here are 3.

1) First of all, we spell “Nagem” backwards. And without the G, we become “Mean.” Would you name your child Fugck? Or Nagsty? Or Smeglly? This does not bode well for the personality of a growing girl.

2) And then there’s just the fact that there are too damn many of us.

If you don’t think Megan’s get territorial about our names, travel back in time to Northridge Middle School, circa 1999.

There were two other Megan’s in the 6th grade. One was more popular than me, and she was loud with freckles. The other was quiet and even taller than I was. She also played some sort of musical instrument. Between the two of them, the popular crowd and all of the band and orchestra kids already had their own Megan’s. I couldn’t even be known as the tall Megan.

I’ve been on more than one date with around 8 guys in my life. (Don’t judge – boys used to scare me). Three of them, including two that became long-term boyfriends, had already seriously dated a “Megan.” The third actually refused to seriously date me because a “Megan” had just broken his heart. This is the stuff of complexes, people!

3) We’re not known for our smarts.

Other Megan’s, don’t get mad – I’m not talking about all of us. This is generally speaking.

Example – who’s the most famous Megan in America?

Just for kicks, Google “author Megan.” The top result wrote this book:

Did you know that there are no senators named Megan? No members of Congress named Megan? There are not even any governors named Megan. I found one Mayor Megan. She reigns over a village of 3500. (See? I did say not all).

I even did a LinkedIn search for the keyword “megan” and the title of “CEO.” This was my results page:

Apparently when LinkedIn runs out of Megan's, Peter's and Stacey's fill in just fine.

If you really must name your daughter Megan, please make sure she does something amazing with her life. The name needs some legit cred.